At Fault
by WinterVines
Summary: Sometimes, they think about the winter war and if they are at fault. Character introspects. Drabble set. Gen fic. Complete.
1. Kisuke

This is going to be a drabble set. I originally wanted it to be a one-shot, but then I realized that it has the potential to get massive. It's just something to get my mind working. That, and some of the sentences wouldn't leave me alone. It's a general fic. There may be hints to pairs, but nothing concrete. If I made an error (like information wise, etc) somewhere, let me know.

Disclaimer: I own nothing that isn't mine because as a general rule, poor college students don't have much.

* * *

At Fault

* * *

Sometimes, Kisuke Urahara thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

Granted, that information is probably true. He was the one that created the Hougyoku, after all; the one that presented the idea in the first place, if only in theory.

Even though it's most likely true, he wouldn't ever admit it if asked. He would mostly likely wave his fan and grin, claiming to not know what the asker was talking about. He'd push it aside with a smile that could fool even General Yamamoto himself, and he'd leave his doubting and regrets for his own brooding time.

He hasn't been asked, or blamed, or anything yet, but he knows that eventually that day will come. He doesn't exactly have an answer for when it does, but he'll deal with that when he gets there. Sometimes he really wonders what he was thinking when he chose Rukia Kuchiki's gigai for the placement of the object that could lead to everyone's doom.

He wonders if anyone would even be able to understand it, understand what he did or why he did it. Some days he doesn't even know if _he_ knows.

If one person did though, it would probably be Yoruichi. There are times when she could just look at him and he knew. Another bad piece of news would come in and that glint of understanding would be in her eyes. They wouldn't have to say anything, and he was grateful for that.

He regretted dragging her into it a little, he thinks, though he didn't have to pull many teeth for her to follow him. She did that well enough on her own. He wonders if things would have been different if he would've been more solid about leaving and facing his screw ups alone.

Those days he shakes his head and remembers something he heard Jinta say once. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. He couldn't change those things now, and he supposed he should just be grateful for what he had.


	2. Yoruichi

The next part.

* * *

Sometimes, Yoruichi Shihouin thinks Aizen and the winter war are her fault.

She's not really sure why she feels this way when it probably isn't her fault at all, but she finds that she can't help it.

Maybe if she hadn't followed Kisuke into the world of the living she would've been around to know that something was up with the former bespectacled captain. When she was head of the punishment force, very little ever got by her. If something was happening, she knew about it. She didn't doubt her replacement's capabilities, because Soi Fon was more than worthy of the title, but the hornet didn't have the same touch as herself.

She can't come to regret her decision, however, no matter how sour things were starting to turn.

Sometimes she watched as Kisuke locked himself away to brood, even if he didn't know she did. She believed he needed all the support he could get, no matter whose fault everything was. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and even though he was a genius, Kisuke was still a man.

The past was the past, and they could only work with what they were given. She could do her part and help Kisuke do his. That was all.


	3. Isshin

* * *

Sometimes, Isshin Kurosaki thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

Despite what his son (among others) might think, he's not as dense and ridiculous as he leads them to believe. He's always been laid back, but those that served under him while he was a captain in the Gotei know that he can be serious too.

He wasn't oblivious to the shift he felt in the world, and he wasn't blind to where his son was going at odd hours of the night. Still, he didn't question the boy when he would disappear for days at a time, and Ichigo was none the wiser to who his father used to be.

Sometimes he thinks that he should do something. There's trouble brewing, and he knows that it will probably come to his doorstep whether he does anything about it or not. Sometimes, he almost regrets leaving the Gotei in the first place. He might have been able to do something about the traitors he heard about if he was still there.

He remembers that he had a good reason for leaving though, and he can't regret the live he's lived since then. Well, at least not all of it. He still tries to bury grey, rainy days and how Ichigo gets that hard look on his face. Ichigo took it hardest out of the kids, but sometimes it wasn't anything compared to what he himself felt.

He knows he fell apart (at least inwardly) after his wife's passing, and he knows that even though his façade was to help his children, it didn't really hide anything. He's pretty sure he's become less of a man that he used to be, but somehow, he can't help but keep doing what he's doing. He knows he should be doing something, and that maybe if he would've done something sooner then some things wouldn't be happening.

He should really just man up and gather the old crew together whether they like it or not. If he stopped his wallowing and did something, he knows that if everyone worked together they would get something done.

Maybe he could help right the world and rid them of those that sought to destroy what little they all had left.

* * *

So, I'm doing a response paper, and I kinda need help. I want to write, but all this work I haven't done yet is like a dark, nasty cloud hanging above my head that guilts me into not writing. Does anyone know of any authority figures that I could reference about media/internet being responsible for violence in the world? Or something close to it. I am coming up with nothing.


	4. Ryuken

* * *

Sometimes, Ryuken Ishida thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

He thought it underneath him to be worried about things that plagued his enemies, but as the soul reaper struggles caught up to the real world, he found that he couldn't ignore them for much longer. Sometimes he thought he should do something to help, and most of the time he just continued on like he was. He had ignored his own power for so long that it was strange getting back into the habit of using them, even for something as minute as sensing the changes in the atmosphere.

It hadn't done him much good in the past, so a part of him didn't see what could it would do him now. Still, once he tapped into that inner strength, he started to feel it swirling through his veins almost as easily as he breathed. He remembered a time when he would have embraced this path but coldly turned his back on those memories.

Those were in the past, and they weren't going to do him any good either.

His wife had fallen first, while he was so caught up in the danger that made up their world. No power he had inherited could save her, so he turned his back on them, like so many other things. To think, he once belittled Isshin for the way he lived, for the danger he put his family in. He supposed now he wasn't one to talk, and when it came to interacting with his former friend/rival/whatever they had been, he found that silence and seclusion worked best. At least that way he was not reminded of how he failed, just like his soul reaper adversaries.

His father fell next, at the hands of those of those that the fool would not hate. Souken had always wanted peace between the two sides, even though the Quincy were so few. He said that the Quincy brought their demise upon themselves, and even though his father asked it, admitting a wrong had never been his forte.

He had knew it happened before he heard word of it. He could feel the power come to him, and instead of taking it up with honor as his father would have wanted him to, he buried, along with any semblance of his emotions. He threw himself into his work, and he watched his son take up the duty that he should have.

He could admit, at least to himself, that his son did a much better job. He had friends to help him. He noticed Isshin's son had taken up the soul reaper side, and he wanted to shake his head on how similar everything was turning out. He only hoped his son wouldn't make the same mistakes as he did.

He supposed that was why he offered to return Uryu's powers, even if it was at a price he didn't know his son could pay. He still harbored an age-old dislike for those that had decimated his kind, but he couldn't say that all of them were the same. He saw that in Ishhin, in his soul reaper son, and in the circle of friends Uryu had seemed to gather. Sometimes, he almost saw the wisdom in his father's words, on how they shouldn't fight, how they should work together and face the problems united. He himself might not be able to accept it, but maybe the next generation could.

Even if he had made Uryu swear to turn his back on soul reapers, like he had done on so many things before, he didn't really think he would.

Uryu didn't have to know that though, and if they managed to save the world while they were at it, then maybe he could say he made a difference after all.

* * *

They keep getting longer D: Just wait until we get to the Shunsui and Nanao one. Yeah. Those two are a bit not-drabble-like.

So yeah, never wrote Ryuken before either, so if something is terribly off, my apologies. A special thanks to Vivienne Grainger who gave me a name that I could use to get my paper finished and get back to writing. Thank you again.


	5. Chad

* * *

Sometimes, Sado Yasutora thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

Others have always called him strong, or tough, or sturdy, but that was before they learned about hollows and madmen that were trying to take over heaven. That was before they learned fights weren't just about bruises and bare skin anymore and before they learned that some of them might die. That was before he noticed his own lack of strength.

He always tried to protect when someone needed protecting, but he realized that what he could do sometimes wasn't enough. Tough skin was not enough against demons that seemed to come from their nightmares, and so he sought to learn how to use his newly acquired arm better.

He trained, and he was satisfied that Ichigo let him come to the Soul Society with him, fulfilling a promise he had made a long time ago. His satisfaction ended though, when he discovered just how far behind he still was. The pink-clad man had barely flicked his wrist, and it was enough to almost kill him. The guy was a captain, but that fact still didn't erase the feeling of failure from his being. He had a feeling that the man's lieutenant could have defeated him just as easily.

Now, even though Soul Reapers were not their enemies, he was still leagues behind. Just the mere presence of those two arrancar had brought him to his knees and almost destroyed him. As hard as he tried, his strength still wasn't enough to stand up against their enemies. He found himself being told to stay back, and that never had sat well with him.

He understood Ichigo's need to protect just as well as he understood his own, but it shouldn't mean he has to stay on the sidelines. There was once a time when Ichigo would've been glad to have him watching his back, but now it seemed that the orange haired soul reaper outclassed him too much for him to make a difference.

He had tried to not let it bother him, but then again, he never saw Ichigo telling Renji to stand back.

They were still friends, but he still didn't understand. He wanted to prove his worth too. He had a hard time with sitting back and watching everyone else take care of things. That's why he had gone to Urahara. He needed more strength so he could take care of things.

He was glad the clog wearing man let him train with Renji. Renji was never told to stay back, and if he tried hard enough, he believed that eventually he wouldn't be told that either.

* * *

So, keep in mind that I'm not up to date on exactly what's happening in the manga.

On another note, NaNoWriMo starts on Sunday, and I'm already spazzing out. I have word markers on my calendar so I know what I should be at on a certain day, and I have a list up so I can write in how many I end with each day. I also registered on the site, as much as I said I wasn't going to. My penname on there is K. Groth if anyone wants to add me. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to do this. Drat.


	6. Uryu

* * *

Sometimes, Uryu Ishida thinks that Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

He has always been pretty set in his ways, and even though he is loathe to admit it, that is one thing he and his father have in common. His actions now surprised him, but at least he could say he wasn't completely turning into Ryuken.

It would figure that the biggest threat the world had seen in a very long time would be a soul reaper. Even if there were other Quincy around, his pride refused to believe that one of them would be causing as much trouble as Aizen was. He tries to ignore the little voice in the back of his head that sounds like his grandfather, the one that tells him that the Quincy brought about their own end. He tries not to believe that it would be best if Soul Reapers and Quincy (even if there aren't so many) worked together to achieve a common goal.

He tries, and fails.

He thinks it might have been different had Ichigo not became what he had, if their rivalry had not led to some sort of deformed friendship, and if the others didn't try so hard to include him in things they did. As much as he could deny them being important to him, that Soul Reaper sympathizers were not his allies, he found it to be less and less true every day. He was the last Quincy (at least in his mind, for his father didn't count), and he didn't need anybody else to lean on.

It was an ironic thing then that he would lose his powers, that he would be thrown from his pedestal once he obtained the greatness he always sought. Sometimes he thought that it was fitting, the words 'pride goes before a fall' coming to mind. Other times he was bitter at not being strong enough to complete his goals without using everything he had.

Granted, he didn't regret the actions he took that stripped away his powers, except for maybe not killing that demented captain. Some days he thinks he doesn't even regret that, remembering the look of gratitude on that lieutenants face as she spoke of him. He may not have killed the man that experimented on his kind, but he thought that his revenge was pretty much fulfilled. He had stood toe to toe with a captain, and he lived.

It still felt like a failure in some ways though. He had aided his kind's enemy, and he had paid the price for it. He felt useless without his powers, and that was maddening in itself. He wanted to _do_ something, but without feeling the Quincy strength flowing through his veins he was worthless. He was forced to rely on others, and that had never sat well with him. He knew it was like that for many of his friends too, and he was reminded again on how different they really weren't. Even weak as he was, they still included him to some extent. In his own way, he was grateful for that. He may never show it, but doing things alone for so long begins to wear on you. When he was with them he was never alone.

That was what gave him the final push to accept his father's proposition. There was a high price to it, but he knew that he could never regain any sense of independence again if he couldn't get his powers back. His father wanted him to discontinue allying himself with the soul reapers and those associated. It would mean turning his back on the people he had come to call friends.

He didn't have much of a choice, so he told his father he would. Someone had to continue the Quincy legacy, and he knew his father would never do it. That only left him.

He couldn't help the uneasy feeling he had when he realized that he would have to make a choice. Technically, it seemed that he already had. The world did not operate by one way or the other though, and there was always something he could do. It was like the reishi he kept stored, the same he used when he had seemed defenseless. There was always something else.

He could hear the voice of his grandfather strongly now, and he used it to push himself forward. He could have been right about working together, about so many things that he had tried to teach his only grandson. He didn't feel like so much of a failure then, like he was disappointing his own kind by choosing the lesser of two evils. Aizen had to be dealt with, and even if they didn't have a war on their hands, he didn't know if he could turn his back on his friends anyway. If his father wouldn't listen to Souken, then he would. He had always listened. He would not turn out to be stone like the one that refused to embrace his own responsibilities.

He had no intention of fulfilling his father's condition. He wasn't sure if his father knew that or not.

* * *

Uryu's pretty neat. I little prideful, but neat all the same. I thought I would update before I buried myself in writing a paper that's due for my Comp class next week. I figure I have to do it now because I'm working tomorrow (and Sun and Mon -.-) and NaNoWriMo starts on Sunday. I'll need all the time I can muster. And one of my coworker's book signing is tomorrow. I'm excited. Happy early Halloween everyone.


	7. Orihime

* * *

Sometimes, Orihime Inoue thinks Aizen and the winter war are her fault.

She has never really done anything to help their small group, in her opinion. She always got in the way when she was defenseless, and even after she had gained a skill that she could use, it still wasn't good enough.

She had been afraid to call upon her hairpins at first, not knowing if she could be strong enough to wield them. Sometimes their words echoed in her ears, telling her to not be afraid, and she would take them the opposite way. She would berate herself in her mind for not being strong enough. She wasn't tactical like Uryu. She wasn't physically strong like Chad. She would never be as selfless as Ichigo was.

She couldn't deal with her own emotions, let alone muster up enough strength to fight like the rest.

She had been excited when they all decided to go into the Soul Society after Rukia. She had been scared too, but thinking that she had a chance to make a difference outweighed everything else. In the end she hadn't done much again, and they had waited for Ichigo to take care of things, just like he said he would.

Tsubaki always complained when she wasn't giving it her all, not allowing him to attack with his full potential. She had trained her hardest in the hopes of proving to herself that she could.

She couldn't master that either, and when he shattered against the large arrancar, her only means of fighting had been destroyed along with one of her guardians. They had to wait for Ichigo to save them again. Then Mr. Urahara had asked her to stand back from the coming battle, and at that point, she shouldn't have been surprised to hear it, despite the progress she thought she had made.

It surprised her then, that Aizen took interest in her abilities. Once again she couldn't defend herself, and she was captured as a result. Nobody was there to save her.

She didn't blame them though, as she wasted away in a prison surrounded by sand. She couldn't always count on someone to fight her battles for her. At least Hueco Mundo taught her that much.

In the end, they did come to rescue her, and she was partially confused about the looks on her companions face's. They look so relived, and they acted so happy to see her. How could they miss someone who contributed little to their effort? It was enough to make her smile, and she didn't want to see sand again for a long time.

Still, she had been in the best position to do something about the war. She had been closer to the madman than anyone else, and she still did nothing. Some days she felt horrible about it. Other times she was reminded by her friends that it wasn't her fault and that there was little she could have done. She doesn't know how they knew what she was thinking for sure, as she never told them, but she was glad for the support all the same. Rukia was especially considerate, and she was the firmest one in making her believe the words they told her. She did eventually, with strong words and not-so-silent support.

With a promise to train together, she went back to work once again. She felt a little better after everything then. She had plenty of people to keep her going.

* * *

Meh. I don't know much about the part where she was kidnapped, so forgive my vagueness. Also, I think this is a word vomit at best.

(How can people write so much? I'm behind, and I'm already feeling...bleh. Sorry if it's a little late.)


	8. Kon

-

* * *

Sometimes, Kon thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

He may be a doll most of the time, but it doesn't mean he doesn't think about things like the rest of them do. He hates the fact that he is either told to stay out of the way or is always left behind. He also knows there's a reason for it. Like he said, he's just a doll. There isn't much he can do.

He isn't like Ririn, Claude, or Nova. He didn't have a body especially made for him. Technically, he isn't even supposed to exist anymore. As a Mod Soul, he's lucky to be around. The most action he's seen in a long time was when he first met Ichigo through the soul candy and caused all that trouble. Even then he was limited, having only a fraction of the strength he once had.

Once, he might have been able to help them. He could have taken out hollows and maybe supported someone against an arrancar or two. Now, the power seems so far away and every time he reaches out to touch it, it fades even further until he thinks that he'll never be able the reach it again. He's almost accepted it. Almost.

He had, until he noticed what was going on. Until Aizen had defected and started causing problems for everyone. He saw that defeated look on Ichigo's face on more than one occasion. Without Rukia, when the Bounts were close to winning, as Grimmjow wiped the sidewalk with him, when Orihime was kidnapped, the span they had when they forgot who Rukia was.

So many things happened in succession, and he knew it was starting to wear on them. He didn't help though. Sometimes he made things worse by being annoying or not cooperating. It didn't change the fact that he wanted to, in whatever way he could be useful.

It was still a little strange, wanting to help out the place that had once gave the order to destroy him and his kind. Still, he didn't quite mind it. Things rarely stayed the same, as he had learned over time, and it was best to put those kinds of things behind them. He just didn't care about it anymore. Sometimes he thought that Quincy could learn a thing or two from him. He didn't hold those things against the Soul Society. They were just following orders, after all, like he had been created to do once upon a time.

At least he wasn't changing on them. He was still him, no matter what was happening. Sometimes he liked to think that they were glad some things weren't different. That's how he thought anyway, and if that was all he could contribute to the war effort, then that's what he would do.

* * *

Someone else that isn't really mentioned much (on a more serious note anyway). One day I will write something with Kon in it. Some day. Until then, this will have to do. Mod Souls are really fascinating to me.


	9. Rukia

-

* * *

Sometimes, Rukia Kuchiki thinks Aizen and the winter war are her fault.

Maybe if she hadn't wanted to prove so badly to her brother and herself that she wasn't a failure as a soul reaper then none of this would've happened. Maybe if she wouldn't have killed Kaien and lost belief in herself. Maybe if she had said no to Byakuya's invitation. Maybe if she had never left the Rukongai at all.

It was in her gigai that the Hougyoku had resided. Even if she hadn't put it there, she still felt responsible for what happened to it. Now it was in Hueco Mundo, waiting to be used to inflict more chaos onto the world. Now they had a war on their hands, one she didn't know if they were ready for.

She watched her friends train, watched as they poured blood, sweat, and tears into the effort, and she couldn't help but feel guilty.

It had started the night she met Ichigo. If she had only been stronger, quicker, more perceptive. If she had been those things, she could have defeated that hollow without a problem. She would have never had to give her powers to a human boy, something that would trap him in that type of life forever. She had forced him to make a choice, dooming him either way. Sometimes she regrets this.

She was supposed to save him and his family from the hollow, but she ended up having to be saved herself.

It was almost like Kaien again, because she had killed Ichigo in a way. He could never have a normal life again, not even in death. His spiritual pressure guaranteed that, and she knew that he couldn't watch innocent souls while he had the power to do something about it. No, she had killed a part of him that night, and she tried not to dwell on what he must feel about it.

But it hadn't been enough that she forced him into her world. Soon his friends had started feeling the effects of them being around so much, and they were dragged in too. Then she had finally been arrested. By her own brother, no less.

It was fitting. It seemed to tie up the loose thread finalizing her failure as a member of the Kuchiki clan. She had failed as a soul reaper, failed her brother, failed herself. She had been content in paying for her crimes. She had almost welcomed never having to worry about anything again.

Then, she was saved by the very person whose life she had destroyed. Again.

It took her a long time to regain her powers, but it took even longer for her faith in herself to come back. She always thought that if she hadn't existed, if she hadn't been the one to come to Karakura that time, then none of this would've ever happened.

She had made the mistake of mentioning it once, in front of Ichigo. After he was done telling her how ridiculous she was being, she realized that if it hadn't been her, it might've been someone else. Maybe that other person wouldn't have chose to help Ichigo protect his family. Maybe they would've let them all die.

She and Ichigo had somewhat argued about the Hougyoku too, but the debate had ended when he told her that Aizen would have gone after her anyway, fake execution or not.

It made her think, and she was slightly surprised to find that Ichigo got so defensive about it, that he acted like it mattered. Then she realized that it did. He had been the one so adamant on going to the Soul Society to save her, determined to attain bankai to beat her brother and stop the execution.

It was a little ironic. She was supposed to save him that night, but in the end he was the one that ended up saving her.

* * *

I'm so tired. I can't go to sleep though. We are not going to talk about how far behind in my writing I am. I am forgoing sleep tonight in order to catch up. It's not my fault I'm working like 11 out of next 14 days. Bah. So if this is a little odd, that's probably why (not that I wrote this today). I just didn't look over it much.

Also, this is for noname, who I sadly couldn't respond to, who called Rukia, even if they didn't know I was planning on writing her next. I do have a sort of order going here. You guys can probably guess who's next.


	10. Ichigo

-

* * *

Sometimes, Ichigo Kurosaki thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

He didn't really choose this path for himself, but it was a hell of a lot better than the alternative. He wasn't going to watch his family die. Not now, not ever. Not again. He had been through enough rainy days already.

He couldn't really describe the effect of Rukia entering his life other than earth-shattering. In one night she had opened up his eyes to what he was capable of doing. He could save lives. He could protect his family. All he had to do was accept the soul reaper path and everything would work out.

And it really was that simple at first. He realized he couldn't pick and choose what souls he saved and which ones he didn't, so he just decided he would save them all. He quickly learned though, that things were never that easy for him, and the world would take on the role of tearing him down bit by bit.

When Rukia returned to the soul society, he had automatically challenged the ones that were taking her. At that time, even Renji was able to demolish him, and when that hadn't been clear enough, Byakuya stepped in to finish the job. He had thought for a moment that he was really going to die then, laying there on the cement, watching one of his new friends being taken away without being able to do anything about it. Just like his mother, he watched her disappear.

He wasn't okay with that.

Again he charged blindly ahead, thinking that what Urahara taught him would be good enough to help him do what he needed to do. He actually beat Renji this time around, though he paid for it with his body. Renji was worse off though, so he paid it no mind and rushed ahead some more.

He was angry with himself when he came so close to rescuing Rukia the first time. She was there on the bridge, and it wouldn't have taken much to lift her off of it and into the sky with him. He didn't have a plan what would happen after that, but as long as she was safe, he figured he could keep her more or less that way. Byakuya had to be there though, and he still wasn't good enough to beat that man. Yoruichi had given him time to learn how, even if he wasn't happy about the delay. It all worked out in the end though, so he couldn't complain.

At least, it had until Aizen appeared. It infuriated him to no end at how easily the man had blocked his attack, like he was nothing. It still did, the burning bubbling under his skin at how weak he was compared to others, and it often followed with the haunting echoing of the laughter in the back of his mind, reminding him that if he got any weaker he would have even more trouble on his hands.

The arrancars continued to do a number on his spirit after that, and it took him a little longer to recover from Grimmjow wiping the sidewalk with him. His inner hollow fighting for the reins of his body added insult to injury, and he knew he had to do something.

It bothered him that whenever a new enemy appeared on the horizon that he discovered he was lacking somewhere. Each defeat forced him to work harder, and he was a little surprised that he wasn't prepared for new challenges by now. Still, as he watched this trend of failing then coming back to beat the odds, he couldn't help but notice the positive curve.

He may get knocked down first, but he always got up better than he was before. That little piece of information kept him content for now. He had himself under control, and he had people to protect. He would be fine.

In hindsight, he realized that some of the ways he went about doing things were foolish and brash, but the resolve was still there every time. That was his greatest strength. He may mope around for a while after a defeat, but someone would come along and knock some sense into him eventually. He didn't lay down to die when everyone else quit, even if it took a beating to realize that he couldn't.

He supposed it didn't matter what Aizen threw at him then. After he finished his training, there wasn't anything in this world or the spirit realm that was going to stop him from kicking some ass.

* * *

I am a horrible person. There are not even words for how horrible. Would anyone believe me if I said I had completely forgot this was running? Fail.

Anyway, NaNoWriMo was a bit of a fail for me. I only got slightly less than halfway. On better days, I just tell myself that I need _two_ months to write a book. Yeah, is a horrible month for writing one anyway, at least for me. Jan or Feb would be better.

It is what it is. At least I generated a lot of fic ideas while doing that. I'll get on that.


	11. Jushiro

-

-

Sometimes, Jushiro Ukitake thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

He was a quiet man, and even in his younger, wilder days when he and Shunsui had been the Casanovas of their time, he had still often been the voice of reason. He had settled a lot of disputes in his years, and this was because he was observant and patient, among other things. He also took the time to get to know people.

He had tried to guide many while here, believing that he should pass on what he had learned to someone before his time was up. He and Shunsui still shared these experiences with each other, but it was more a reliving of past times for them. Both had seen too much to really need advice about some things.

Thinking about those times always made him sigh, and sometimes he thought he should have done more with the life he had been given. He was lucky to still be alive now, but he also knew that his luck was going to run out sooner rather than later. He wondered if any of the words he imparted to others ever stuck with them.

He had once been a mentor to Byakuya, when he had not been entirely encased in ice and still had hope for the future. He had high hopes for the man, but after his wife's passing it seemed that nothing else mattered to him anymore. He watched the stoic man become even more detached and cold. Nothing he said ever got through to him, and in his mind, it was like failure.

Toshiro was another he tended to look out for. He knew what it was like to be young and have so much power and responsibility pushed upon you. He had a feeling that the younger man was just annoyed with him though, so he was a bit disheartened.

It reminded him of how he used to have tea with Aizen, when nobody suspected anything was amiss. He too had been fooled, despite spending many afternoons watching the koi and walking the gardens. In a way he had posed as a mentor to the former captain too, and that made it all the more bitter. Sometimes he wondered if all the times he had asked for advice in the past were really designed just to rub salt in the wound now.

When he thought of all the hurt people were going through, it made him wish he would have noticed something. The poor girl Momo had it the worst he thought, watching her crumple as Toshiro tried to hold the pieces together. He was one of the oldest captains for a reason. He had a duty to watch out for all those without as much experience. It was something he was failing at doing.

Now, instead of being an older captain, he was just old. He was just a frail old man who was waiting for Death to knock on his door no matter how much others told him to fight it. He had accepted that his illness would take him if battle didn't, but it didn't mean it made the look on his friends' faces any easier to take.

Truthfully, he was afraid. He may have accepted his disease, but it didn't mean he was looking forward to it. Every time he strained himself it acted up, and he loathed how disabled it made him. He hated looking at Retsu's saddened eyes every time she made a house call or he was brought to the Fourth. He must look pathetic to her, unwilling to fight, laying limp and out of commission for weeks at a time.

It was part of the reason why he could never work up the courage to tell her how much she meant to him, despite knowing her for centuries. She had seen him at his best and his worst (and not in his younger, troublemaking phase, thankfully), so it shouldn't be so hard. But it was, and it was just another disappointment in himself.

He allowed his sickness to be an excuse not to do things, and he was almost sick of it. Some days he wished it would hurry up and finish him off so he wouldn't have to put up with it anymore, but then he remembered the others.

It was somewhat selfish of him to only want to end his own suffering when so many others had it worse than he did. That thought kept him going a little longer. It was cowardly to just give up, and that wasn't how he wanted to go.

So even if he didn't think he was doing much good, he was going to keep supporting his friends and allies anyway. He didn't want to think about what would happen if he wasn't there to watch them. He knew what sort of mischief Shunsui still got into, and it wasn't like he had many other people to give his candy to.

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This may be a word vomit yet again. Meh. I struggled with this one. Still, I'd like to know what you thought. I need more hours in a day.

(And why are my lines not working...? -.-)


	12. Nemu

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Sometimes, Nemu Kurotsuchi thinks Aizen and the winter war are her fault.

She knows that all acquired evidence supports that it isn't, but by sheer skill in deduction, she knows it will not be Master Mayuri's fault, and therefore the next logical step moves down to her.

Sometimes she doesn't know what to think about that, but by now the occurrence is so common that she disregards it. Despite what others think, she does have a mind of her own, she just knows when to keep her silence.

She knows that her captain does not take blame for any mishaps that happened, involving their division or otherwise. For him it was easier to place that blame on someone else, and she was used to being the most handy scapegoat. She knows it should bother her, but it doesn't, in a way. She is being useful this way, fulfilling a purpose that she wouldn't have otherwise.

She thinks it's at least better than being worthless.

No matter if she's told this, she can logically keep track of all the signs that point out she's not, so she doesn't fret about it. If she were useless, she wouldn't be kept around, no matter how much she was berated. She has some worth, and even if she doesn't always know what it is, she's content enough to just leave it at that.

She isn't sure why he always skirts blame, but she thinks it may have something to do with the twisted past he holds, the one she always hears snippets of as squad members whisper in their corners. She doesn't know what happened, and she's never had the gall to ask anyone, but she figures the answer must lie in those secret years that he won't share with anyone.

She wonders about many things all the time, and most of the time she is unsure of how to proceed. The world still confuses her greatly, and she knows she understands more of what happens in a laboratory than what consists of daily life. Her work is her life, so when the others talk about certain things, she can only blink and wonder again about more she doesn't know.

She finds it odd that other people seem to be blaming themselves for what happened recently. The traitors had actually came up with a sufficient plan, and she was surprised that it worked more than anything. It seemed that life was not like the experiments they ran in the lab, the majority of them ending in failure.

She didn't understand how the two were different either, but she knew the others were trying to teach her the difference. Friends, they had called themselves, and she was almost inclined to believe them. It was easier to, she noted, since they were not blaming her for these incidents, but themselves.

It didn't really make much of a difference to her whose fault it was in the end. She was just going to be useful. She was content with that.

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A little different, but hopefully not bad? I have to say I'm intrigued with Nemu's character. And did anyone else notice that the voice or style of my writing is changing with the characters? I hadn't really paid attention to it until now, when I started using more proper terms and such.

(Lines, why don't you work? D:)


	13. Kenpachi

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Sometimes, Kenpachi Zaraki thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

It's not in the way people think, because he could really care less about the state of things in the world so far as hollow balance and whatnot went. War meant more fighting, so he's perfectly fine with how things are going so far.

The fact that he had a part in creating more opportunities for them to have a good time was something he was satisfied with. He didn't know why everyone was so worried anyway. If they didn't want to fight, he would take on all of the traitors and their army by himself. In fact, he wanted it that way.

What he was fuming about though, was the fact that he had misread the captain they knew as Aizen. The guy had barely registered on his radar at the time, acting like a pansy that wasn't worth the effort. Now he finds out the guy is the leader of their enemy and more than able to put up a good fight.

Now he always grinned at that thought of facing him, thinking of what would come. If he would've known the guy was that good, he would've taken him out of the Seireitei's hands sooner. Then again, if he had done that, there would be no upcoming war or anything to look forward to.

Winter couldn't come soon enough.

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This one's short, but it was pretty fun. Kenpachi's pretty simple. There's some peace in that.

(Woe lines D:)


	14. Toshiro

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Sometimes, Toshiro Hitsugaya thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

He is supposed to be a prodigy, a genius, a captain of the Gotei. He was supposed to be all these things and more, watching out for others and solving problems that others couldn't. He was supposed to be a best friend, always swearing to protect that friend from anything that could hurt her.

Most times there were not enough words to describe how he loathed that man, and in part, himself.

It was easy to say that back in the Rukongai things were simpler. Things may have been tougher, but at least what he needed to do had always been clear to him. Protect Momo, protect Grandmother, find out where the next meal came from, don't get caught. When he become a soul reaper, those things had been expanded tenfold.

In advancing to the Gotei, he gained more responsibilities and more things to keep watch of. Instead of understanding that he had limits, he fully expected himself to be able to handle everything and more. There was no leeway in his duty. He was not a normal person, and he shouldn't be treated as such when he could deal with so much more.

He refused to acknowledge his own limit, so in a way, it wasn't so surprising that he started to make mistakes when he reached his. Aizen's plot had blindsided him, and others paid for it.

He had been chasing the wrong man, and even though Gin was a betrayer also, he had a feeling that if Aizen hadn't snapped his fingers, the grinning man wouldn't have jumped. He thought he had figured it out, but he was wrong. It made him angry.

It was easy to get angry. Anger was something he could understand and focus on, instead of on how everything could've happened, how his childhood friend could still believe her ex-captain was innocent, how she was bleeding out on the floor…

He had attacked in a rage, even though he knew that wasn't the smartest thing to do. After he recovered from his near-death experience, it made him bitter that he had acted so foolishly. It highlighted the fact that he was still young and had too many things to learn yet. Realizing that also made him angry, but there wasn't an opponent in front of him that he could swing at.

He could only look in the mirror for that.

So he watched Momo struggle with her uphill battle, watched her slide back like the path was made of mud, and fought with his own. He was still mad, and a part of him was mad at her for not seeing what he could. He couldn't make her see, and every time she spoke of him it was just one more reminder of how he failed in protecting her from that man.

He had noticed that she didn't ask him to save her former captain anymore though. And now that he thought about it, she didn't call the man captain anymore either. It was almost nice, being needed like he used to be in the Rukongai. At least she hadn't shut him out after he made it known that he wasn't going anywhere. He could be that wall if she needed him.

Maybe some things could be as simple as the Rukongai then. And if she wasn't mad at him (which she certainly seemed not to be anymore), then maybe he could start not being angry with himself too.

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Gah, work has been so crazy lately. Retail during the holidays is a nightmare. So are coffee shops. Yeesh.

I'm fairly more confident with Toshiro if only because I've written more of him than others. But maybe I'm way off base. You'd let me know if I was, right? D:


	15. Rangiku

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Sometimes, Rangiku Matsumoto thinks Aizen and the winter war are her fault.

She's been through enough to know that even if she could've done something, it didn't mean that things would work out they way you wanted. You could try your hardest and still have life shove your effort back into your face. It was like struggling to survive an endless hunger in the Rukongai, but still collapsing after days of a fruitless effort. And even if a shock of silver light rescued her from her despair, she learned that light faded to darkness over time.

She had been through it all, so she knew better. She knew it couldn't be her fault entirely. Somehow, she knew Gin knew that too, and it gave her a miniscule sense of relief that she shouldn't feel. Then again, she thought she knew him too. Maybe everything wasn't how she thought then, based on that one fact alone.

Gin was now Aizen's right hand, or if not that, his left. Would things have turned out differently if she had been able to stop him? She had realized what was happening too late, and she feared that the last she was ever going to get to touch him before they crossed swords on the battlefield was when she held his wrist still. It was a little sad, she thought, that there didn't seem to be a happy ending in sight.

They may win the war, but she wouldn't. No matter what happened, she didn't think it was possible for anything better than the bitter pill of abandonment to come her way. She allowed herself a small, cold smile at the thought. Maybe things were just as she thought.

He always did tend to disappear, after all.

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A bit early on this one, since I added yesterday (I think) but I'm going to go home after work tomorrow, and if I survive the blizzard we're supposed to get, I'll probably be busy for the next few nights. This one's a bit shorter, but I was satisfied with it when I wrote it.

I hope you all are having a better day than I am. There was another showing at the house today, and they seemed really interested in it, so my landlady said. That means I'll probably have to get out at the end of this month or the next month if they finish up paperwork quickly and acutally want the place. To make matters worse, we opened at work extra early, so I had to get up at 530 in the morning and leave, and I forgot move my boxes of food that my grandma (bless her!) sent me. My landlady sounded a little annoyed that she had to move my stuff while I was gone. I don't blame her. I just plumb forgot, and because I'm going to get gone from tomorrow morning on, I didn't really think much about some things. So if I drop off the face of the planet for a bit, I'm probably dealing with moving and stuff. I have to at least find a place (even a hole in the wall will do) for the next six months, so I can at least finish the two year part of my degree. I guess I can skip or wait on the four year part if I need to.

Now I'm done grating your ears (or eyes, rather) off. Thanks for reading and understanding.


	16. Shuuhei

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Sometimes, Shuuhei Hisagi thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

He had been hung up for so long on ideals and theories that he failed to see reality until it came and slapped him in the face. No matter how textbook oriented he had been in his duties and doing what was right, human will still interfered and destroyed everything he had ever believed in.

It hurt to think about most days, so usually he didn't.

He knew what it was like to tough it out. He had learned that long ago growing up in one of the crummiest districts that this world had to offer. He didn't make it as far as he did by hiding behind others and letting them fight his battles for him. He knew the value of hard work, knew it right down to every drop of sweat and blood he had shed getting to where he was. Back then there was really nobody to hide behind anyway.

He thought that maybe he had hid behind ideals instead.

It was a hard blow now, to have those same ideals and visions be what shattered his resolve. He had needed them back then. Those visions were what kept him going, kept him fighting, made him believe there was something else waiting for him if he worked hard enough. Those visions became everything. He would've drowned in the violence that haunted the street gangs otherwise.

At the time he had to believe that he would get out of the Rukon. He had believed that being a soul reaper would let him have the strength to make the world change for the better. At least his own, if that was all he was able to accomplish. In the Gotei, they had rules and guidelines that could be followed. He had always liked those. It made things neat and organized, and he liked when things flowed smoothly, the way they were supposed to.

When he had looked at soul reapers, he had seen honor and also a weight of responsibility to do duty for the greater good. He had thought it was worth the sacrifice needed to be one.

As he went through his training to join the ranks, those thoughts began to waver, and it showed. He had failed the exam the first time, denying him the chance to graduate. Then, after a trip back to the Rukon, he was reminded why he needed to do what he was doing. Still, the way people really were got to him again, and he failed a second time.

Another trip, another try. Some say the third time's a charm, but not for him. He failed his third attempt.

Then, in the middle of his wallowing he met a man that seemed to hold all his ideals. Kaname Tousen. He was amazed at the time, after seeing some of his fellow students, that honor and respect could be upheld the way this captain did. He entered the court guard squads shortly after that, and it wasn't long before he was lieutenant and working for a man he could admire.

Now that he thought about it, after his trial had been finished and he settled into his new role without complaint, he wondered why he kept it up. It became less about the ideas and more about the man used as a front for them.

It still bothered him that his ex-captain betrayed them all, but most of all it bothered him that the man betrayed the ideas they all stood for, and he had been oblivious to it until it was too late.

It didn't seem to matter what it was; everything reminded him of it. It was the work that had piled up on his desk, waiting to be filled out and filed. It was the soldiers that now looked up to him alone because they had nobody else. It was the three lines across his face that still twitched when it rained, reminding him of other times he had failed too.

For a while he was angry, and on most of those nights he trained until he dropped, wanting to be too tired to dream or worry about anything else. He was angry that he allowed his ideals to be warped by someone else, to transform into something other than what he started with. He was angry that the man that had replaced them had tossed them aside so carelessly, like they were no longer important.

He couldn't stand for that, not after how far he had come. He decided that he could live through the hurt has long as he got his priorities straight. He plunged into his work, found time to go drinking with his friends, and after a long time of not, he felt the wind on his face as he released Kazeshini and was glad about it.

He may have done nothing once, but he wasn't about to let it happen again. Allowing it to happen again would be a direct attack on his honor, and he would not compromise it. Not anymore.

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I kinda liked this one. Shuuhei's pretty neat. Hope I didn't butcher his character.

I hope everyone's having a good time tonight. Happy New Year. I hope you guys had a good holiday too (if you celebrate it). Mine was good, until I got back from visiting. The first thing my landlady told me was that she had a buyer for her house that already qualified for a loan, made an offer, and had someone lined up to buy his house, and that I should move ASAP. Yeah, not the first thing I wanted to hear. So yesterday I wrote a check (a very big check. woe) for a different place. I'm going to be moving stuff in the next few weeks (or however long it takes me, I am by myself with no help this time), so if my updates are few and far between, that would be why. Class is also resuming next week, and work is still going. Ho hum. Okay, done with my mini pity party now. Just wanted to let you guys now. Spent a lot of today packing up stuff (again! I just did this like a year ago, let's not make it habit!).

Oh, and I figured out one of my new year's resolutions. I am going to finish SotS. I think I've been unmotivated long enough. Thanks for reading ^^


	17. Shunsui

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Sometimes, Shunsui Kyouraku thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

It's not often, when he can help it, for he doesn't like dwelling over depressing things for too long. Just because he doesn't like it doesn't make it stop though, and true or not, it's still there.

He knows that many things are a group effort. On that fact alone, he could probably argue against anything really being solely his fault if he wanted to. Still, it was just one of those things that he mulled over as he drank, willing doubts to fall away each time he refilled his glass.

He had many faults. That wasn't hard to tell if someone observed him on one of his routine days in the office. Or lack of being in the office, rather. If they asked Nanao, she could probably come up with a list. Maybe she already had one written out.

Despite all those faults, however, he was a pretty good judge of character. The fact that Aizen had fooled even him, one of the oldest captains of the Gotei, left a dark cloud over his head that wouldn't go away. It was just something added to the ever-growing list. He wasn't a role model captain, he couldn't save his best friend from the illness that would one day claim him, he didn't save his past lieutenant as he sent her off to her death, he was disappointing his family by discarding his noble status, he couldn't be serious enough with Nanao, and now he let the Soul Society's greatest enemy rise to power and fool them all. All in all, it left him looking a bit like a failure.

It was enough to drive a man to drink. Not like he needed a reason.

Sometimes he thought she knew. Nanao, that was.

There were times he felt she could see right through him, like his soul was barred and she knew every flaw. Sometimes she would just stop doing her work and just look at him without any emotion on her face. She would never say anything, and she never looked away as he met her eyes. It would go on for a few agonizing seconds, while he imagined all the horrible things she must see in him, and then a wrinkle would form on her brow and she'd return to work. He didn't know what it meant, but he didn't think it was anything good.

It surprised him then, when Nanao offered to sit with him one night. She shared a drink with him, and neither said anything. With preparations for the war on the forefront of everyone's activities, it left little time for rest. Everything reminded them about it these days, and it was nice to have some company.

One night turned to two, two to ten, and ten to twenty. They continued their routine night after night, each lost in the silence of their own thoughts. He wondered if Nanao thought she was to blame for the war as well.

He decided not to think about it and just enjoy her company. He didn't know how long the situation would last or how long he would have her. Still, her actions struck a chord somewhere in him, something that shook and echoed and brought a feeling of peace to him.

Maybe he wasn't such a failure.

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Nothing much to say this time. I'm so tired from moving some of my stuff to the other house. I wish I had some help.


	18. Nanao

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Sometimes, Nanao Ise thinks Aizen and the winter war are her fault.

She isn't overly powerful, despite being a lieutenant as well as a kido master. She knows her strengths lie elsewhere, and she isn't too proud to admit that. No, she knows she is not powerful in the physical sense of the word.

She uses her mind. She may not like it much, but the fact remains that she is good at doing paperwork for a reason. She can run the division as well as she does because she is organized and knows how to strategize. She is fair, although firm. She is timely, and the other members of the division swear that she knows what they are thinking at times. She just scoffs and shakes her head at this. She is just good at reading people. Some have called it genius.

The most recognized of her skills is being observant. She notices things. She notices small things that others don't. She was supposed to notice things. It was her job.

It is for these reasons that she is kept around. The betrayal of the three former captains sent a fury of scorn through her when she knows she never noticed anything amiss. For what purpose is she here then? It just adds to her list of reasons why she sees herself as incompetent.

She doesn't know why she expected better from herself anyway. She, a Rukongai brat that was adopted into the Eighth and raised by a woman that wasn't even around anymore. It felt like a failure, and she didn't even have to do anything. That she wasn't of any use left such a sour taste in her mouth that she wanted to spit. Perhaps that was the problem.

She didn't do anything, and she couldn't really define what exactly it was.

It was like crumpling in weakness at the feet of the head captain as she tried to help the one man she had no qualms about following. Her usefulness evaporated like the air she struggled to breathe, and despite years of training, she still had to be rescued. It was like another reason she wasn't good enough to stand where she was. She wasn't good enough to lead in the position of the person she replaced, she wasn't good enough to be able to save herself, and she wasn't good enough for her captain to be serious, to be serious _with_ her.

Even though it was irrational of her to think such things, it was those days that she wondered why she was a soul reaper. Then, she saw the way her captain took everything. She saw the dulled colors and heard the faded words. It was then that she knew why she kept going, even if she wasn't as strong as she'd like to be.

She knew that Shunsui would've taken all the guilt from everyone if he could've, and the fact that he keeps going is what drives her out of her inner despair. That is why she sits with him at night. He can't handle everything on his own any more than she can, and if she could stand by him in this way, maybe it would be good enough.

She is relieved to find that he doesn't look down on her with contempt as she once feared. It seems that just being her is good enough for him, and that strengthens her resolve.

She will be his support if he lets her, and she thinks that the Soul Society could learn a thing or two from it.

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Yay for more word vomits. I bet nobody can guess who comes next! (sarcasm)

Also, the song Need You Now by Lady Antebellum is beautiful.


	19. Komamura

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Sometimes, Sajin Komamura thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

He had hid himself from the world for such a long time that sometimes he thought he forgot how to live in it. His state had shamed him, so he sought to hide it behind his masks while trying to continue on with his life. It had been easier when people judged his character before his appearance. If they never figured the latter out, then that was fine by him.

Even hiding away from the world as he did, he couldn't stay alone forever. He was ever loyal to the captain commander, but he knew that couldn't be his only link, especially when he was captain and other people were going to end up depending on him whether he liked it or not.

So he opened up a little, while still hiding part of himself, and he watched as others came to respect him as a person. His division and his lieutenant were proud to serve under him, and at times he had tried to imagine that that wouldn't change if he ever removed his head covering. Most days he just refused to think about it.

He had even found someone else he could call a friend, someone else who had a disability. Kaname Tousen was someone he thought he knew, but now he knows that was very false. If he had known him as well as he thought he did, then maybe he wouldn't be standing on the side of the enemy now.

After that day, he resolved to wear his helmet no more. It had felt good, the sun and wind on his face, feeling like he could truly open his eyes for the first time in a while. It was just too bad that it was terrible things he had to first witness.

Still, relinquishing the mask set a part of him free, and he doesn't think he'll be putting it back on. Tetsuzaemon reacted no differently than he normally did, and after a few seconds of gaping, his division had returned to normal as well.

Now that the blinders were removed from his eyes, he was ready to take on the task ahead of them. Kaname may believe that Aizen's way was the path of less bloodshed, but he was going to make the blind man truly see the error of his ways. He wouldn't lie to himself, and he would live a path of truth. After all, the mask had just been his way of lying to himself.

He was going to proudly serve the Seireitei as he had always done, but this time he was going to do it without hiding. He was not afraid to show his true colors anymore, unlike the traitors had been doing since their plan had started.

Seireitei would preserve.

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So I finally got all moved in to a new place. It's okay, but I don't really like it. I suppose I just have to give it time. It doesn't feel like home to me. Anyway, I'm still sitting in the middle of stuff that has yet to be put away. I had to move the rest of my stuff and go to work on the same day, and then I've had work and class since then. I'm glad to finally have a break. I've been wanting to get back into my writing. Thank you for being patient, and I will try to work on my update skills more.


	20. Tetsuzaemon

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Sometimes, Tetsuzaemon Iba thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

He knows really that it isn't, but when everyone else is moping around about it, it sort of kills the buzz he had going.

He knows too that the world revolves around more than just sake and fighting, but sometimes things are just easier to take if shrunk down to a smaller scale. It's times like this that he knows he isn't always a role model soul reaper, but it's hard to dwell on the fact for too long.

He really only has a few purposes for even being here. For one, this place sure beat the Rukongai, and the sake selection was a lot better. He also had someone to serve. Captain Komamura was one of the best in his opinion, and he was glad to be a part of his division.

He thinks that maybe he should have been a little more perceptive to what was going on though, even if his world of thought tended to be simple and somewhat linear. He had no idea what his captain really was until everyone learned. To him, that kind of thing didn't matter, but a small sliver of concern flares up in the back of his mind when he thinks about it. He had thought he knew his captain better than most, but there were still so many things he didn't know. Sometimes he thinks that if he paid attention more or perhaps concerned himself more, some things wouldn't have snuck underneath everyone's radar like they had.

Being perceptive was one of their jobs, and thinking that all of them sort of failed makes even the sweetest sake taste a little sour on his tongue. It's those times that he thinks it might be foolish to do the things that he does, be it drinking with friends or sneaking around trying to find a suitable place to hold the Shinigami Men's Association meetings while avoiding Lieutenant Ise.

Then he takes another sip of sake, and things become a lot clearer than they were. For some it seemed to cloud judgment and make them do stupid things, but sake for him had always given him some sort of level-headedness that he didn't feel before.

If they didn't take some time to relax and do the things they enjoy, where would they be? They'd all be going crazy, that's where. So in retrospect, acting any different than he normally did would be a waste of time as well as grating on the nerves. He decided that the rest of them would twist themselves up into knots easy enough without him adding to it.

And who knows, maybe some of them would take to his example and learn to lighten up. They had enough things to worry about anyway.

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I really don't know why I included him, but I don't think it turned out so bad. It was kinda fun, actually. And I've seen the drinking thing. When charlotte was on pool league, Wayne and I and her would always go early to get a feel for the place. Once she had like two drinks, she was always on fire. Then again, before that many or after a few more, she was worthless, but it was still kinda funny to see.

Thanks for reading.


	21. Byakuya

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Sometimes, Byakuya Kuchiki thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

He has been detached from the world for a long time, and he expects it will take even longer to become partly reattached to it, if he wanted to. He had never been a warm individual to begin with, but there had always been an underlying current that bubbled up to the surface of him for certain people. With the passing of his late wife, that small steam had trickled away to nothing, and the remains of it froze over, encasing him further into the ice block he was known for.

It was something he allowed to happen for the sake of his duty. It had been engrained into him that there was no room for feeble emotions when head of the clan.

He had broken the rules once, to wed someone of his choice, and he had vowed never to do so again. He had sworn it on his parents grave.

Familial piety was something that had deep-planted roots within the clan, and he was hesitant to go against what he had been taught as a child, when playing tag was one of the only things on his mind, and governing a clan was far from his to-do list. He found himself often at conflict then, as he struggled to please both halves of him.

He had a duty to his family, and their wishes should be taken care of. He also had a duty to his wife, whose wishes seemed to conflict with his family's. Technically, his wife was his family too, even if at oppose ends. In the end, he decided to find her sister and make her his own, despite what members of his council thought.

That choice had been simple enough. He could fulfill the last wish of his dying wife. Going farther than that, however, tested his surety.

Rukia was much different from her sister. The Rukongai had hardened them both, but in Rukia it had instilled a fierceness that ensured she would survive. Whereas Hisana had been gentle and soft spoken, Rukia could be stubborn and harsh. She pulled off the act of a Kuchiki well enough on most days, but he knew it was not how she really was. The real Rukia bristled at the conformity that was forced upon her the day she accepted his invitation into the clan.

But even though they can be different, Rukia doesn't fail to evoke that sense of protectiveness in him, the duty that called to him to protect his wife's sister. Therein lies the problem. To fulfill that duty, he would break the laws and rules he vowed not to break again.

The first time, he had agreed to arrest her, knowing somewhere in the back of his mind that their punishment was going too far for what she had done. There was no doubt in his mind that some sort of discipline needed to be established, but there had been far worse crimes than hers that warranted no execution. He couldn't do much against it though, as wrong as he thought it was. If that was what they decided, then he had to obey.

The rules of a captain were similar to the rules of being clan head. When younger, he had imagined that ruling the clan would give him a sense of freedom that he didn't have before. They would have him to answer to, after all, and decisions would be made by him. He found that it had just been another type of prison, however, one with invisible bars and strings that the clan elders pulled and rearranged as they saw fit. If his father endured the same conditions, then his respect for the man grew slightly more.

The elders were what checked his movements mostly, reminding him of his duty, of what his parents would have wanted. At times he knew their old fashioned ways should be abandoned, but his loyalty to his parents kept him from abolishing their rules to install better ones. This was how his life operated for many years after becoming clan head.

Outside his clan, within the Gotei, he usually did things as they pleased him if they didn't involve some manner of duty. He appeared when he desired it, and he departed when he felt his presence was no longer necessary. Ichigo Kurosaki had to be tested, if he was going to risk Rukia's life in order to save her, and when he was satisfied, he had disappeared.

Things had changed in that moment. When Aizen had reappeared after his so called death, a new light had been shed on the Soul Society. When Aizen had removed the Hougyoku from Rukia, he was stricken with the vision of his wife lying on her deathbed, and an unreasonable feeling of something had flashed through him. He had imagined Rukia in the same state, and the look on his wife's face had been too much to bear.

It was what caused him to take that hit for Rukia, preventing her death. If not because it was the right thing for him to do as her brother, then because his wife had wanted it. He had come to realize that her wishes had not just been fulfilled when he adopted Rukia. Those wishes included watching her like a brother would, and so he silently begged his parent's forgiveness as he sought to fulfill a new duty.

Perhaps they wouldn't be as displeased as he imagined. After all, Rukia was family now as much as Hisana had been, and he could no longer turn his back on them. Perhaps if he had realized this sooner, he could have protected her from being wrapped up in Aizen's plot. Perhaps he could have realized what was going on instead of turning a blind eye to the majority of her life.

He would not make the same mistake again, elders be damned. It was also his duty to ensure what was best for the clan, and if their ways could not do that, then he would get rid of them.

Already he could feel the bitter edges around him smoothing away slightly, the coldness dissipating as he put himself more at ease. He thought that maybe coming down off his pedestal prison and back to the real world might not take him as long as he thought.

He would not hesitate much to help Rukia now. He would do it discreetly, of course, as that was how he had always done things. He wasn't much of a people person, and he felt no desire to explain that if others questioned his newfound role.

One thing was for certain though. Aizen would pay for the crimes he had committed against his family and the Soul Society. If someone else didn't take care of it first, he may not worry so much about discreetness on that matter.

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I think Byakuya is very neat. The struggle between being noble, a captain, and a clan head against being a brother fascinates me. At any rate, he is not someone I would want against me.

Also, does anyone else think it could be sort of cool to see Byakuya meet with Sesshoumaru from Inuyasha? They're both kinda nobleish like that. Thanks for reading.


	22. Renji

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Sometimes, Renji Abarai thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

He's done a lot of stupid things in his life, he knows, and he's sure that he'll do even more as time goes on, provided he lives that long. This whole mess that they're in seems like the most stupid of all.

For a long time, even before joining the Gotei, he's wanted to be there for Rukia. Now, when he finally had the chance to do it, he failed.

Things were a lot easier in the Rukongai, in a way. At least then they could depend on each other to find food and evade angry shopkeepers that just didn't understand a kid needed to eat to survive. It may have been tough, but they had each other. They had been there for each other, and ever since those days, he knew that's where he always wanted to be.

It was funny then, how it was easy to get so caught up in life that you forget what was the most important to you in the first place.

Rukia was his best friend. That's how it always had been. That's how he hoped it still was. He was disappointed in himself that he never noticed anything, that he hadn't immediately stood to defend her. He hadn't been there when she needed him the most, when he should've fought back with everything he had in order to keep her safe. Just like they used to.

He was too blinded by his obsession that he forgot what he really wanted.

He needed to surpass that man. That man had been the best and the worst thing that had happened to them. While he knows that Captain Kuchiki saved Rukia to a point, he couldn't fully accept it because he also took her away. Her brother was what he was not, and that bothered him.

So he had to beat that man. Only then would he be worthy of being depended on, being the one that Rukia leaned on. Sometimes he believed he was still light-years away from achieving that goal, and not protecting her from her brother, the system, or the traitors reminded him of that.

He lost a lot. Even though it wasn't pleasant, it was mostly the truth. He never lost so far as to die, but he had been too close too many times. It seemed like he was always fighting something, and his win ratio wasn't very high. That bothered him too.

Each defeat reminded him how he wasn't strong enough, how he had so much farther to go before he achieved anything. It was a little pathetic, and even if he boasted about his strength, he knew how it really was. That didn't stop him from trying though, and he would lose a thousand times more if it brought him one step closer to winning.

He had learned his bankai to help save Rukia, once he was thinking straight. As his captain had painfully pointed out, he was far from mastering it, but he had it, and that was enough for now. He would have time to perfect it, if he survived to fight in the war. He always though that baptism by fire was the best way to learn anyway.

But even though he attained bankai and challenged his captain, he had still felt that deep flowing terror that all of it had been for nothing, that he still wasn't good enough. He had felt it on the edge of death, when he was sure he was going to die. He had fought his hardest, trying to show the man who was both Rukia's savior and prison keeper that he was wrong to let them do that to her, but he was still struck down. He had barely scratched him. He had risen up and used his passion to fuel the fire inside him, but it still wasn't enough.

And as he hung on the edge of life, struggling to get back up, to keep fighting, something strange happened, and that had changed everything.

His captain had acknowledged him.

He still remembered the light weight of that scarf and the words that were spoken to him. And just like that, a door was opened. He was making progress, no matter how small it was. He had risen through the academy to make it into the Gotei and reached lieutenant all to be one step closer. Now he was. It was enough to make him live.

He knew what was important now, and even though he was still going to beat Captain Kuchiki one day, other things came first. He would be there for Rukia, and he would stop those that were trying to destroy everything they had. It would just be like old times.

They would always have each others' back.

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Life got in the way. That and I'm part procrastinator/part lazy. Nicky Eira reminded me that yes, I have been neglecting my writing, and yes, I do feel bad about it.


	23. Momo

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Sometimes, Momo Hinamori thinks Aizen and the winter war are her fault.

She also knows that half of the people in the Soul Society think this too. The other half think of her with pity. She isn't sure which one is worse.

It doesn't really matter in the end because she knows she didn't help anything. She made things worse. Sometimes she doesn't know if things will ever get better.

She spent a long time not knowing what was going on, lost in a fog of despair and distress, seeing things she thought had to be illusions. But she's had a long time to think now, and time dissolved the mist, but it didn't take away the side effects. It just made her faults that much more visible.

She wasn't that surprised that Aizen's plot had gone unnoticed by her. Her captain used to be everything. He never gave her a reason to doubt him. Knowing he wasn't her captain anymore, that everything was a lie, swept a sadness over her that she wasn't sure she could get rid of.

She had been in shock when she first realized it. She had broke and didn't move from the corner of her room for a whole day. Panic attacks came less often now, as each day reminded her of what wasn't, and what never could be again. Every day she got used to it a little more, even if she didn't have to like it.

She looks back and is ashamed of some of her actions, almost wishing she knew then what she knows now. In a way she does, but a part of her doesn't, because without those early days of disbelief to comfort her, she wasn't sure she would have survived. There was nothing else to hang on to then, but now is different.

Her defense of the man that betrayed them was just something engraved in her since she joined his division. Sometimes she still slipped up, speaking when she shouldn't and earning disapproving looks from those around her. She knows now that it's more out of habit than anything, and it's something she'll have to get used to not doing.

Others don't seem to understand that. They don't understand how high of regard she held him, how important his pedestal was. They don't get that it's not something she can just drop in a day. They don't know how much of her own life was carved around his approval. She needs time, but eventually she knows she'll have better control of herself.

There is only one person that sees this now, and at times she knows she doesn't deserve the support of her childhood friend. Toshiro has always been stubborn though, and she's glad for it, no matter what she might tell herself on days she loses hope. He didn't give up on her even when she gave up on herself, and that caused her to wonder why. It made her try a little more.

So she stopped asking him to save a man that couldn't be saved. She stopped bringing up memories with him in them. She started seeing what was really there, and she took comfort in the approval he gave. She should know how dangerous living for approval is by now, but she still takes comfort in it.

Some days she thinks of everything that happens and gets angry. She's angry at herself for only believing that man, angry at Toshiro for not knocking some sense into her sooner, and angry at that man for hurting her friends. She's angry that Aizen only pretended to be what a captain should really be, and it's those days that she wants to be the one to show him he was wrong.

She thinks she could face him in battle then, even if she knows she wouldn't win. It would still feel good to finally free herself, to break away from that darkness even if it meant death. She knows she'll never get that chance though. They'll never send her out on the battlefield while he's still around. She's not trustworthy enough in their eyes for that. Still, sometimes she wishes she could have that chance.

She can't do much now, and if she hadn't been so blind, she may have been able to do something before the whole mess started. She can only work with what she has, so for now she isn't going to be much help. She can only trust in her friends that believe she can make it through the nightmare.

She dreams of the day when all of this will be far behind them, when she can return to summers of watermelons and peaches.

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I'm so close to the end. I really need to finish this set. My Momo's always been a little different. I generally write her in a setting where some time has passed from the betrayal. Hopefully not too abstract.


	24. Retsu

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Sometimes, Retsu Unohana thinks Aizen and the winter war are her fault.

She doesn't like to dwell on things like this. It makes her seem like a hypocrite. She knows how they can wear on one's health and cause them to lay awake at night, but she also can't stop the thoughts from coming. There is nothing to chase them away when the daylight burns away and she sits alone on the veranda drinking tea. There is only her, her thoughts, and the soft burning candle light.

She is first and foremost a healer. She is self-appointed to be the caretaker of everyone in the Soul Society. She knows there are some who would not take care of themselves otherwise. Being in this role makes her responsible for everyone's well-being. She is supposed to protect them.

This is what keeps her up at night.

Nobody came out of the betrayal unchanged, though some were worse than others. Some of them tried to seem like they were fine, but she saw far more than others realized with her medic eyes.

It was hard to watch. She saw how the stress heaved itself onto the shoulders of all of them. Soi Fon was more short tempered than usual. Some were more distant. Shunsui had started drinking more, and she had heard his lieutenant was starting to join him. Jushiro's lungs were starting to give out easier again. It wasn't good for any of them.

It bothers her the deepest of all because she may have been able to give more warning. She knew something was strange about the body, she had just wanted to confirm things for herself first.

That was always the problem. She never acted without being sure. In peaceful times that was fine, but now, when they were preparing for war, she wasn't sure. There was no place in wars for cowards.

She knows more ways to kill a man than any other person in the entire Soul Society, and that isn't including things she can do with her zanpakuto. For some, her calm demeanor strikes fear, but others simply scoff at her position, believing her to be no more capable than an academy student.

She supposes this is her fault, because she doesn't nothing to change their minds. She has always been a firm supporter of doing her duty, and she has known her place for years. It is her job to heal wounds, not inflict them. It didn't matter if she could do both just as easy.

At times it's hard to tell what's expected of them as soul reapers. It was something she struggled with for a long time because there was no direction, no guidance. She had to make her own expectations, her own role to play. She believes it's better this way, even if she knows she could do differently.

She has nightmares of a Seireitei without restraint, with nobody following any specific role, and she shudders to see buildings in ruins. It is a reminder that everyone has a part to play, that everyone will make a difference just by doing what they should be doing.

This is what she hangs on to in times when she doubts herself. It's the only thing stopping her from blaming herself for not doing more when she could have. She knows that maybe she should've, but she also can't change what has passed. She just knows what she can do next time, and if she encounters a situation like that again, she will know what to do. She doesn't mind adding responsibilities to her own list if she's the only one who can do them.

Perhaps everyone's roles could be expanded a little.

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Because she really can be scary. And I'm pretty sure she knows more ways to take someone out than everyone else.


	25. Izuru

Sometimes, Izuru Kira thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

He can look back on himself and know that he was never an independent individual, at least not really. In the academy he may have boasted and acted tough, but deep down he knew it was just a mask to hide how uncomfortable he was and how he didn't fit in. He had looked for a crowd to blend in with, and it wasn't until Renji and Momo came along that he found it. He had proved just how not tough he was when he panicked as death stared them all in the face on the night they saved Shuuhei.

He had been fine with their actions up until that terrifying point because they were theirs together, as a whole. He could operate as a whole, as a part of something greater than himself. What he couldn't do was copy that eerie calm the other three had gotten has the hollows loomed before them in that horrifying darkness. He couldn't understand how they could accept what might have happened to them. He couldn't take it. So he broke down, and in part, chipped away part of what kept their group together.

When they were finally graduated, the Seireitei had just proved to be another group he would make himself fit in with. It was simple just doing as you were told, following orders like the good little soldiers they expected you to be. He could deal with that, was made for it even. It wasn't the same sort of group as he and Renji and Momo had though, so he could feel himself slipping away from them a little too, like he couldn't find true comradeship with the other drones. It just reminded him how out of place he really must be.

By now his fake arrogance had disappeared, and the cocky lift to his words had washed away in the face of nightmares that he hated remembering were real.

He was promoted after that, and he discovered how wonderful it was to follow a captain that you could devote yourself too. Over time he never had that feeling of slipping away, now bogged down with more responsibilities and the hope that his superior would acknowledge his work. It just gave him a reason to work even harder, basking in the feeling of finally finding his place in the world that he thought was only a fantasy.

When the first crack appeared in the mirage, he was hesitant to believe it. While he knew Momo was angry and hurt over the sudden brutality of her captain, he didn't feel the need to blame his own, no matter how cryptic is answers or how mysterious his actions. His loyalty to his captain was stronger than to his friends, and even as he realized it, he couldn't help but wonder why that was so.

Then he remembered how easy it was to slip away from his old group and how solid he felt in his new role now. It was enough to keep him on his captain's side, and it took Gin leaving for it to finally hit him that he was alone. That ideal place he had obtained in his mind shattered like the glass in the mirror he saw his empty eyes in everyday.

He was lost for a long time after that. He's still lost, in a way. He remembers the days when he was part of something, and those days outnumbered the ones where he wasn't. It's a little sad, because it says that he didn't really ever stand on his own two feet. He always let others think for him and went along with what they decided.

Most days, that's what has him so depressed. It's true that he feels abandoned in a way, as well as betrayed, but he can't help coming back to the thought that if he hadn't been so passive, maybe he could've protected himself and the others a little better. His ignorance and his delusion of a perfect world blinded him to what really was, and now they were all paying for it.

He wondered when he would start drifting away from this setting too. He should've known that before was too good to last, and some part of him was terrified that he would lose what he had now, all because he had grown to used to having others.

It was something Shuuhei had said to him once, as he had spilled his drunken woes at a party, that made him think. He had lamented about drifting away on them, that he would be lost in himself forever and end up walking away just as his former captain had.

Shuuhei had looked at him and said, "You're not walking away, you're just standin' up."

As he thought about it more, he realized that he wasn't abandoning his friends and comrades. He was still trying to run the third the best he could, going on his own suggestions and asking for help when he needed it. It sobered him a little, caused him to sit up straighter.

Could it be that he wasn't drifting away? Maybe he was learning how to stand after all, and that gave him more hope than anything else ever had.

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It's been a long time. I don't really have an excuse or a good reason. Other than schoolwork and real work. And writing a bit of original work. But yeah, it will get done. There's only two left. I'm really trying to get back into the swing of writing. Wish I could skip sleep.


	26. Soi Fon

Sometimes, Soi Fon thinks Aizen and the winter war are her fault.

She's usually in a sour mood, and when she gets too irritated (and even when she isn't), she likes to wear off stress by training. More often than not she'll run herself into the ground unless someone interrupts her, and usually they don't. They know better.

But despite the bruises that line her forearms and the breath she can't keep into her lungs, she knows that it's not good enough. It's not good enough because she still sees herself as that incompetent little girl who was abandoned.

It didn't matter that she was captain of the second division now, and if the punishment force took her word as law. Her many accomplishments and impressive family background didn't matter. She was still left behind, and that was the greatest reminder that she just wasn't good enough. It didn't matter that she would have followed her former captain anywhere, done anything she asked. She wasn't good enough to even ask.

It's these thoughts that make her bitter, and that bitterness turns into anger and scorn riding on her face. It makes her irritated with herself, and the other nagging voices she deals with every day always add to that. It starts a chain of training and painful memories over and over again, and she isn't sure it will ever stop.

She worked hard to get where she is, if only to prove to herself that she could still be strong without her mentor. If Yoruichi could acknowledge her accomplishments, then maybe she could too. The truth is that she doesn't know for sure. She doesn't know if she can ever accept who she is, and that makes her angry. She shouldn't need to get anyone else's approval, but deep down she knows she's still that little girl that would do anything to please her captain.

It fills her with rage because it's true, and it shouldn't have to be.

Her need to be better blinded her from a lot of things, and now she gets angry because that meant she was slacking in her duties. She couldn't truly get better if she didn't do her job. She had responsibilities to take care of, and the fact that her network missed Aizen and his schemes made her see red. Sometimes she wonders if Yoruichi would have caught him if she had still been here.

She always shakes away these thoughts, or beats them out, depending on her mood. It doesn't do her any good to reminisce about what could have been when obviously it's not. It's too easy to get absorbed in the past, and she can't afford to get distracted now. Not when there's work to be done.

It surprised her at first that the Soul Society is now working with exiles and ryoka. She can't lie to herself and say that she never wanted to see her old captain again, but she also can't say that she didn't hate it somewhat. Their fight had released some of the rage in her, but it wasn't all gone. She thought there would always be a little piece of her that hated the other for being abandoned, but she knows there will always be a bigger part that hates herself.

Still, she can't focus on this either. Wartime is not for self-reflection, not when preparations have to be made. If they survive the war, then maybe she can sort out the mess she has. There may be a time yet where she can lay everything to rest, but it's not today, and it probably won't be tomorrow.

But it could be some day, and she looks forward to finally being at peace with herself. Maybe then she can be the warrior she always wanted to.

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I love Soi Fon's character. There is complexity there that I probably haven't even fathomed or touched in this piece. Still, she's awesome.


	27. Yamamoto

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Sometimes, Shigekuni Genryuusai Yamamoto thinks Aizen and the winter war are his fault.

The seeds of doubt were planted when his two oldest and most talented students had turned their swords against him. Though not truly challenging him, it made him wonder why they would go to such lengths to get a point across. To disobey the General of Soul Society was a crime, and he had always known Shunsui and Jushiro to be the most level-headed of the students he watched grow up.

He had brushed away their words before he drew on them in turn, and only when he's alone do their voices come back and echo in his mind. Aizen's betrayal had taken him by surprise. He supposed it should've been his job to stomp it out before it progressed so far.

He knows that many view him as a bitter old man who makes no exceptions. Part of this is true, but he knows that only his two former students know how he really is. Or was. He's become so used to his new self that he isn't sure there's much of the old one left.

Soul Society needs laws and guidelines in order to survive. There can be no disorder, no treachery, no disobedience. He had a strict ruling because to allow anything else would be to invite chaos.

It was too bad that they received it anyway.

Now he wonders if his iron fist hurt his soldiers more than it helped them. By restricting them so much, had he hampered them in their strength? Was he holding them back from what they could truly achieve?

As he stares down a battlefield bathed in fire, he still doesn't have his answers. But he does know that if they survive this war, then maybe it was time he took council with Shunsui and Jushiro and figured out just what was wrong with a Soul Society that could crumble just from one man's actions.

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It's been way too freaking long since I posted anything. But hey, now I can finally say this set is complete. Definitely a learning experience. Hope you guys enjoyed.


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